Truth #4: Humility is Limited
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It is a truth universally acknowledged that you are your own worst critic.
Humility is an outstanding quality, providing a sense of modesty and humbleness. However, there is a limit. There is a point when modesty turns to self-deprecation and humbleness into denial. There is a point where it becomes abusive, hurtful.
Loss of pride always sounds like a nice thing, a point where you are beyond conceit and self-righteousness. But when you have lost all pride in your abilities and your character it feels like someone has hooked your heart with a fishing line and it is ripping and pulling as it takes it away from you and you cannot grasp at it because your hands are busy tearing yourself down and your tears are not that of a phoenix and so they cannot repair you. It feels like you are standing in quicksand and the love of your life is holding a branch out to you and you cannot muster any strength to reach for it even though your arms are muscled and toned and you are staring into their pools of hazel and drowning in sorrow because you have put them through this.
The frustration of feeling this way is overwhelming and breeds hot anger and hot angry tears that could melt the poles. Then it becomes too much and it feels like your body is trying to shake your soul out and purge itself of this venom snaking through the veins that are pulsing. And so you pray. You remind yourself vehemently to be still, and then you are screaming at yourself to be still. Be still, Just be still, Please, God, make me still. And the lack of peace grows and fills up the whole space and you no longer fit inside that space and the world crashes down on your temple and you try to hold your prayers inside your fingers. And you look up because you hear something...
"Are you okay?" Yeah, I'm fine. I just completely zoned out. Is it cold in here?
"Have you no consideration for my poor nerves?" -Mrs. Bennett
Humility is an outstanding quality, providing a sense of modesty and humbleness. However, there is a limit. There is a point when modesty turns to self-deprecation and humbleness into denial. There is a point where it becomes abusive, hurtful.
Loss of pride always sounds like a nice thing, a point where you are beyond conceit and self-righteousness. But when you have lost all pride in your abilities and your character it feels like someone has hooked your heart with a fishing line and it is ripping and pulling as it takes it away from you and you cannot grasp at it because your hands are busy tearing yourself down and your tears are not that of a phoenix and so they cannot repair you. It feels like you are standing in quicksand and the love of your life is holding a branch out to you and you cannot muster any strength to reach for it even though your arms are muscled and toned and you are staring into their pools of hazel and drowning in sorrow because you have put them through this.
The frustration of feeling this way is overwhelming and breeds hot anger and hot angry tears that could melt the poles. Then it becomes too much and it feels like your body is trying to shake your soul out and purge itself of this venom snaking through the veins that are pulsing. And so you pray. You remind yourself vehemently to be still, and then you are screaming at yourself to be still. Be still, Just be still, Please, God, make me still. And the lack of peace grows and fills up the whole space and you no longer fit inside that space and the world crashes down on your temple and you try to hold your prayers inside your fingers. And you look up because you hear something...
"Are you okay?" Yeah, I'm fine. I just completely zoned out. Is it cold in here?
"Have you no consideration for my poor nerves?" -Mrs. Bennett
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1 comments:
One of my favorite quotes from the whole book, by the way...but I'm wondering if more than needing to be still you need to realize the value you have in a God who cares so lovingly for you? A God who thinks the world of you? A God who sent His son specifically with you in mind? Not the opposite of humility, but rather the essence of it, recognizing that equality with God is not something to be grasped but that Jesus gave that up just for you.
I love you my dear Elle, and I am positive that God will catch that snagged heart from the river and bring it back to exactly where it needs to be, inside of the precious, amazing you.
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